Marriage is a beautiful thing, but it isn’t perfect. Sometimes a good woman moves on.
I was 12 when I met my wife. I had several friends who were off at college, which left me alone at home. I tried not to think about it too much, but after a while I started to fantasize about what it would be like to be with another boy.
For the first time, I wanted to chase a boy around. But I knew how the traditional dating process worked — so I focused on my grades, my friends and my family. My fantasy stayed that way until I was 18 and my wife asked me out.
It was a wonderful meeting. We laughed, we kissed, we became engaged. My high school sweetheart was 34.
Her degree was in counseling, but when she got engaged, she decided to begin college. Our wedding was set for Thanksgiving 2011.
Everyone liked her new boyfriend well, but I was slightly jealous. I didn’t understand why she stayed with him for so long. I couldn’t imagine how being with him was even better than having a new girlfriend. But it wasn’t that way. My new bride actually dislikes him.
I adored her and we wanted a future together. But she began to resent me. I think she didn’t want a life with me, but a life without me.
Things weren’t all bad. We were happy and a little old for that. Yet we were unhappy, so we decided to go our separate ways. We tried to be civil and communicate, but it was clear she did not want to be with me. She was angry, hurt and lonely.
I was so unprepared. I was angry, disappointed and heartbroken. I wondered if I had made a mistake. Was I that bad person?
I confided in an old boyfriend, and from that day on we saw each other every Friday night.
I got help from couples’ counseling. That’s when I learned that what I had needed from my wife was someone who was more like me. I was a lot less angry than I used to be, and I realized I was ready to be with someone else.
I met a smart, romantic and cool woman at a bar. We went on our first date and ended up going on three more.
After we had talked every day for seven months, we had talked long enough to know we were “the right person.” I had stopped blaming my wife for her lack of sex drive.
Four months after we started dating, I made the decision to ask her to marry me. With this fresh memory in my mind, I was excited about getting married again.
There were some small issues to sort out: I was worried my new woman might want to leave me, but my feelings for her were strong and I wanted to make it work.
I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life. But this was a totally different relationship — and I didn’t know if it would work with someone else.
Sometimes we fight. We rarely argue over who is right. We argue about the decisions we make together. We argue about her new attitude. She complains sometimes that I think I am better than she is. I am proud of her skills and accomplishments.
But we don’t fight. We respect each other’s opinion. We agree to disagree. We trust each other to understand and make the right decision. We get that passion for each other hasn’t left.
I am so happy. I love this woman for who she is and what she brings to our relationship. I want us to be together for the rest of our lives. We have a wonderful family, great friends and amazing adventures ahead of us.
We share a dream that this will be our life for the rest of our lives. And after 42 years, I believe she is that woman for me.